OK, so… I’ve rejoined the on-line dating world and it doesn’t cease to amaze me. It is SO bizarre, in fact, that I have decided to share it with you for a number reasons.
Reason #1: If you are not currently a member of an on-line dating site because you are either dating or married to someone, realizing how f%$#ing nuts people are out there will make you more greatly appreciate your partner. So, in essence, in telling you this I’m actually bringing you guys closer together…. You’re welcome 🙂
Reason #2: I feel that it is my social obligation to make you all aware of how sick single men and women really are when they are given a forum through which to freely express their perversions… Oh, NO… they would never tell you how whacked out of their minds they are if they met you in person on the street or in a bar but… give them free feign to create an on-line profile and all hell breaks loose.
Reason #3: This sh*& just makes me laugh
Without further ado.. here is a profile description (I can’t make this up, I SWEAR) of an individual that the online site I belong to has decided would be a good “match” for me…. WOW, I’m at a loss for words…
“Hello, my sweet, I have good news! I’m in the mood to shop for shoes! You say you can’t afford another pair? Don’t fret, my dear, I’m a millionaire. You say your closet has reached its max? You can have one of mine – just relax.
Come with me, on our fairy tale! Let’s go to my yacht, ’cause you really hoist my sail. It drives me wild that you’re so elastic. And, I’ve got the money if you want some plastic! If that’s not your thing, don’t you panic. I also love all-natural – I love organic. I like my women like I like my cake: warm and moist and easy to make. Let’s go to my farm and into the stable.
Let’s go for a ride, if you’re willing and able. We can go bareback or with a saddle. It doesn’t matter which…for a beast you will straddle. Flats and pumps and stilettos and more! Anything for you; I love you to the core! Cha-ching! My money is now gone. Now, let me grab your ankles and slip you on.”